I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wished I was a mentally stronger person. I’ve never thought I was weak, but I always knew there were more things I could start doing that could help me feel like I’m stronger.
We often misconstrue what mental strength really is and assume the shy and quiet introverts don’t hold the same amount of mental strength as the loud and bubbly extroverts.
That’s not what I’m talking about – not the outside persona anyway. I want to discuss inner strength and what we can do to help ourselves believe we’re a mentally stronger person.
Take control of your day
If you feel like your days are running away from you and it’s leaving you feeling like you’re not in control of your life, it helps to make a plan for each day.
Just recently, I had a little dip in my mental health and I was finding it hard to keep up with my own life, never mind anyone else’s. Putting everything I had coming up into my calendar and planner, as small as they may be, kept me feeling in control.
Every morning, I wake up and I write down a plan of what I want to accomplish. I break these down into work related tasks, blogging plans, and general activities like doing the washing, picking up medication, going shopping etc. And as the day goes on, I can tick them off. Controlling your day to day life is a very small and easy part of helping to make you feel mentally stronger.
It also helps when I need to remind myself of how much I’ve been doing. I feel more productive as well as in control. But I can also use it to show myself how much my brain and body has been taking on and that I’m very well deserving a rest every now and again.
Tell yourself each day to embrace a change.
Most of us are scared to change the things that we’re comfortable with. If you’ve read some of my other posts, you’ll know that I love the saying ‘if it doesn’t make you happy, get rid of it’ so that you don’t just remove the negativity but also the neutral things that you don’t really feel a connection to. This ties into my point here as making those small changes to the neutral things in your life can give you a boost of happiness and put you in a stronger mindset and, in turn, will make you feel mentally stronger.
Making small changes can help you to be more open to accepting the bigger changes when they come along. Starting with something small like upgrading that plain biro to a fancy pen to boost your creativity. Put some earrings on that you don’t usually wear. Try a new food you haven’t before at a restaurant you haven’t been to. Or try another method of transport to get to work. If we’re used to changes and trying new things, we can try to be more prepared for the bigger changes ahead of us.
Changes are frightening because a lot of them can hold the ‘unknown’. Like I’ve just mentioned, we like to be in control and change means the opposite. But as much as we might not want it, we can’t stop changes happening. Instead of ignoring or backing away from them, we must force ourselves to embrace them and take them head on.
You’ve got to remember that changes can bring you good things too. It’s the world giving you something amazing, even if you don’t realise it. Even the bad changes in life are teaching you something.
Find ways to get over old regrets/mistakes.
I’m guessing that most of you reading this blog probably have suffered from some sort of mental health issue in your life. Or you’re going through a bit of a rough patch at the moment. You’ll probably understand when I say I’m terrible for overthinking all of the embarrassing moments or situations that happened ages ago where I could’ve acted so differently. I ponder over those things way too much and it affects me daily, even now. But I’ve started to find a solution.
When I start to think about those things, I allow myself to think about that situation and the ideal way I could handle it. And then I tell my brain to STOP. I tell myself how long ago that was and that the person/people who were there don’t remember it. Why should I care about something no one remembers?
When it comes to old mistakes, I tell myself what I’ve learned from them. That person that I hurt, I apologised to and I learned that my actions can hurt people. I tell myself that I’m constantly learning and that making mistakes is a really good way to teach yourself some life lessons and I’m constantly looking for ways to improve myself.
Regret is both a good and bad thing. If we didn’t regret some of our actions then we wouldn’t be human or we wouldn’t be living. Sometimes, whatever we do we’re going to hurt someone and that’s something we have to live with and make up for. But regret can also teach us some great things. If I regret not doing something, I think about if it’s now possible to do it, and I plan when I can. If I can’t, I think about what I did instead and how that has positively impacted my life. What did I learn from making this decision or action?
Regrets and mistakes can easily take over your life and can put your mental strength to the test, but taking them in your stride and breaking them down is how we know we’re strong. Dwelling on the past only makes you look back and we always do better looking forwards.
Allow yourself to be alone
By this, I don’t mean be a loner or isolate yourself, as this can lead to other issues. It’s nice to have a lot of close people around you but sometimes we need to take some time to ourselves to help us feel better. And we should feel perfectly okay doing that.
If we can’t feel comfortable in our own company, then we need to make changes. You should be able to love yourself and love spending time on your own. We are our own best friend and we should be enough for ourselves.
Codependency is a complicated thing. It’s nice to have some take care of you, love you and support you. However, if it negatively impacts your attachment, then it’s time to rethink.
There could be some underlying issues if it’s hard for you to be alone and you should always seek out help if you’re suffering.
But taking that step to conquering it is already you taking a step to becoming mentally stronger.
Use some alone time to give yourself some care, pamper yourself or do things that you wouldn’t do in others’ company.
Realise that you are in control of your own success
You bring your own luck and opportunities. If you don’t work towards something, then you’re only going to keep yourself stuck in the position that you’re in now.
However you do it, get the motivation to make those little changes until you bring the opportunity to yourself.
You have to think, you aren’t going to wake up one day and have that dream body you’ve been wishing for. You have to work for it and make the time to work out.
Somebody isn’t going to come along and offer you your dream job just like that. You apply for it or you work your way up in a company and study for those qualifications you need to get it.
I don’t get views on my blog unless I promote it and work hard every day on every aspect that goes into it.
The universe is ready to give you things, but you’ve got to be open to success and take those steps, like studying or exercising, and then you’ll begin to see the success coming to you every day.
Be more patient
Patience is a key part of life. You’re going to experience a lot of people that test your patience and there’s going to be moments where you lose control of it. That’s okay. Sometimes it’s necessary actually to get your point across or to show someone your true emotions.
If you’re finding it hard on a regular basis to stay calm when people frustrate you or you react too quickly to things, it may be something you need to start working on. Being too impatient can quickly ruin a lot of opportunities for you.
Going back to the last point, waiting for success takes time – it takes work. More importantly, it requires patience. I often get carried away with imagining what is coming for me in the future and I get so excited about all of the possibilities of where I could end up and the person that I can become.
I’m quite an impatient person when it comes to plans like this. I want them to happen now, even when I know I’m not prepared for them. So I’m learning to take things steadily and build myself up to them as I know how overwhelming it can be when things you aren’t prepared for are thrown your way.
We all want the best things to happen to us immediately but a lot of the time it means we have to settle for waiting. And waiting for the right moments to act and take control takes some strength.
Recognise that the world can be unfair
Feeling sorry for ourselves every time the slightest unfair thing happens or you don’t get the correct recognition for your actions is completely the wrong way to handle things. Yes, you’re allowed to be upset, but moping and holding a grudge is only going to shut doors for you.
How we deal with it afterwards is how we show our character and strength. If your boss chose somebody else to get a promotion over you, acting out by not working as hard or getting angry is only going to upset the people you work for. Accepting it and continuing to work hard will keep you in the running for the next promotion that comes along.
Keeping that stability in times when the world is really unfair shows the people that we are and the strength we have within us. Shit happens and we’ve got to find ways to handle it.
Of course they’ll be times where the world throws you a huge curveball and you feel like the world is ending. And it’s also okay that when this happens, you may need a little strength from others to keep you going. But every day that you keep going is amazing. And that’s inner strength.
Applaud others’ success
In a world of social media and negativity, we often compare ourselves to others way too much. Jealousy and self doubt takes over and we choose to judge people instead of applauding them.
We should be happy for those around us who are achieving great things and we should use them to inspire us to move upwards too. Applauding others’ success should feel amazing and not put us down for not being on the same level of success.
Imagine how you’d feel if your friends didn’t congratulate you on something amazing that you achieved and instead moaned that they weren’t accomplishing anything? You would want that support and love, not someone to damper the positivity. So think about that, and start believing in yourself.
We can’t continue to focus on other people’s lives more than ours. Our prime focus should be ourselves and the goals we have. Use that inspiration and run with it. We all move at our own pace and your time will come. Imagine how great it will feel to be the inspiration for somebody else.
Try every day to please yourself first
I’ve been in situations too many times where I’ve put other people before myself and suffered because of it. A lot of the time that you go out of your way to do something for someone, you won’t get the recognition or ‘thank you’ that you deserve.
It can be really hurtful and make you feel like it’s a waste of time. Being a people pleaser can be a great thing and it’s nice to make people happy, but not at the expense of your own happiness.
I’ve learned recently that I can’t support other people if I’m not supporting myself first. I have a few friends that struggle badly with their mental health and I know if I try to hold them up too high, I’m going to push myself into the ground. There’s nothing more I want than to support the people closest to me but I need the mental strength in myself first to be able to do that. It’s not worth the sacrifice.
You need to recognise who is deserving of your attention and love, instead of giving it out to everyone. You’re going to provide more for your friends or your partner than you are for a stranger on the street. That stranger will (hopefully) have their own set of supporters to keep them going.
I’m not saying don’t give those small acts of kindness because they can be a turning point for a lot of people, but it’s important to understand the balance of pleasing people. You don’t want to be taken advantage of.
Recognise when to take a step back and give away the power
One thing I hate is when people confuse mental strength and vulnerability. It takes a lot of strength to be vulnerable in front of someone and so many of us are scared to do that. I’m lucky enough to have someone in my life where I know I can be my most vulnerable self and not feel judged. It’s okay to open up and ask for help and it takes a lot of inner strength to do that.
Stepping back and allowing someone to help you is how we work on ourselves; stepping back and evaluating, letting others inspire or influence you to make better decisions. It takes a mentally strong person to know when we need to do this.
You dictate how you run your life and how you make decisions. You hold a lot of power every day and we get used to being in control of things. Sometimes, we rely on being in control. However, it’s okay to not be sometimes. Let someone else take the reins on a project or let your partner plan a holiday. Or even allow someone to help you with something you wanted to accomplish on your own. Give your brain a break and let go. Even the strongest people need a rest.
You must remember that mental strength is what we believe it is. There is no one definition of mental strength and no scale to measure it. We feel strong when we start believing we are. And these few things may help you start believing.
